Gone
by Emilamoo
Summary: 3x24 ending in Castle's POV using first person . I know there are billions of these out there, but give it a chance. I think it's at least slightly different than all the others.


**I'm pretty sure no one's written a Knockdown fic completely in Castle's point of view yet, but if they have, I apologize. I hope this isn't too similar to anyone else's, but I'm afraid it will be at least slightly inevitably.**

**Yes, I caved into writing a Knockdown fic. At first, I told myself not too because there'd be too many. But I just couldn't help myself. This is my first Castle story, so please, go easy on me. Also, forgive me if it's kind of rushed; I wrote this throughout the school day, only taking about an hour or two in total.**

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><p>It's blistering hot, the sun blazing down on everyone's black clothing, but no one's focused on the heat. They're focused on the coffin in front of them, the American flag draped over it regally. In the background, a traditional drum march is being played. I stand behind one of the police officer's, next to Ryan, two behind Esposito, and diagonally two behind Beckett. It doesn't take long for me to find Montgomery's wife and daughters, all standing next to each together. She begins to break down as we pass her. I think about giving her at least a small form of condolence- a nod, a small squeeze on the hand, or a sad smile or something- but I decide against it, fearing it may be considered inappropriate. Instead, I continue on in silence, facing ahead.<p>

There's a solemn silence as we set the casket down in the grass. Esposito calls out the traditional chant, and we rotate ninety degrees in sync. He barks out again, and we rotate one-hundred-eighty degrees until we're facing the opposite direction. We trudge away in an orderly fashion, and I strain as subtly as I can to see Beckett's face. She keeps facing forward, though, so I can't see.

I watch as Esposito and Beckett fold the flag, holding back tears. When the flag is given to Montgomery's wife, she loses it completely, and it takes all the will power I can muster not to join her. Afterward, Beckett goes up to the podium to speak. She clears her throat from the lump I know is stuck in it, and when she speaks, her voice is clear and fluid, proving what an immensely strong, beautiful woman she is.

"Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop," she addresses the crowd, eyes locking with those in the audience. "He taught me that we are bound by our choices, and that we are more than our mistakes." She stops for a moment, no doubly collecting her thoughts and emotions. "Captain Montgomery once told me that for us, there is no victory; there are only battles. And in the end, all we can hope for is to find a place to make our stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you."

She pauses, and to say I'm surprised when she turns and looks at me, meeting my eyes, is the understatement of the year. I can't help but feel a surge of warmth and pride despite the circumstances. She trusts me. She understands I will never leave her side. "Our captain would want us to carry on the fight," she continues.

My eye catches a shining light- almost like a reflection from a flashlight shining on a mirror- which distracts me from her words, even though she continues on. I vaguely hear her saying, "And even if there's-" But I've cut off from her completely because that light is bugging me now. Suddenly, it hits me: it's a light being used as a marker to target Beckett.

A light from a very dangerous weapon.

One that could easily kill her.

It's too calm, too quiet. Too… perfect, given the situation. Before I can understand what's happening, a shot rings out, confirming my suspicions.

Then, as if in slow motion, my worst nightmare begins to play out in front of me.

"KATE!" I a third shout, a third scream, and a third howl.

I throw myself towards her, hoping to take the bullet instead (or, better yet, push us both away from its path), but I'm too late. I see her expression go rigid as the bullet enters her. We both topple and crash to the ground, her police hat getting knocked to the grass. At first, I clutch frantically to her shoulders, trying my best to ignore the blood that are on her crisp, white gloves. Cries erupt from all around us, and I can hear Esposito telling Lanie to get down.

Finally, I come to my senses, and cradle Beckett's head with one hand, holding her steady with my other one. I have déjà vu from the night before when I cornered her up against the car and held her face steady between my hands, body pressed up against hers, shushing her while she shrieked at me, tears streaming down her face. It was the worst feeling in the world, and now it's back.

"Kate," I breathe, unable to process what's happening. "Shh," I coo to her, wanting her to save her breath. "Kate. Stay with me, Kate," I plead. "Don't leave me, _please,_" I beg her, my voice cracking. I can't imagine my life without her. It would consist of nothing- emptiness. She gasps for air below me, and the image of her face- eyes wide with terror and shock, lips heaving air, a single, lone tear rolling down her cheek- will haunt me forever. "Stay with me, okay?"

I decide to take the plunge. She can't die- _won't _die- but I still need her to hear what I have to say, what I've been unable to say to anyone, even myself, up until this point. "Kate, I love you," I whisper. "I love you, Kate." It's out; it's finally out. She looks at me, and I can't quite tell if she understands what I just said. I hope she does. She needs to know.

To my utter despair, I see the life drain out of her. Her mouth and eyes close, and her head rolls back a little, her body falling limp in my hands. I look at her, unable to believe that she's gone. My heart seems to stop, and all around me, the world seems to come to a halt. All that exists is the two of us, me absolutely _needing _her to stay alive. God, this is the woman I _love. _She cannot die, I love her; I need her. She cannot die; she cannot die; she cannot die_. _Without her, I am nothing. I am absolutely _nothing_ without her. Nothing. She cannot die.

_Stay with me, Kate._

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><p><strong>Well, that was nothing but a big, hot mess. I hope it was at least somewhat original.<strong>

**Thoughts?**


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